Māmā melodies: Tenderness at this time of the year

Kirsty Fernandes
4 days ago
3 min read

Kia ora lovely humans

The past two weeks I have felt very tender. I've felt low tolerance, low on resources, and really sensitive to feedback. What surprised me is this didn't fall in the part of my cycle where it usually does - the luteal phase, where I suddenly get really clear on boundaries and willingness. So it has felt a bit jarring and out of the blue.

And then I realise: there's a seasonal shift as we come into summer too - 'the time of busy hands' and a sense of lots of things needing to get done and, at the same time there’s also end-of-year fatigue. Are you feeling this too?

When I sit with these tender parts of me, I realise it's calling to me to get really clear on where I put my energy - where I feel willing to push back, pull back, and push forward.

I am feeling a shift of sorts as I draw on what I need: “I'm not willing to read anymore.” “I feel overwhelmed by all the questions. Can we pause for 5 minutes?” “I am not willing to lead that.” “Can you please direct your feedback to the people involved? I'm not willing to deliver it for you.” “I am not willing to put any more energy into this.” “I'm going to lie down.”

I was conditioned to always finish what I started - and so, pulling out of commitments, not considering certain opportunities, not martyring myself for the sake of others, feels like an absolute rebellion, especially as a woman.

Do you resonate with this? Are you getting clear on your yeses and noes and your willingness? What can you say no to? What can you say yes to?

I realise that last year around this time, I also felt this way, and I'm giggling at my forgetting and also at my remembering. It's hard conditioning to break.

This time of the year can be a lot and can bring up a lot of feelings - for us and for our kids. Obligations, expectations, busy-ness, longer days, more commitments… or it cannot. We don't have to do all the things and be all the things. We deserve rest, to flow with our willingness, to pull back and say no and to lean in and say yes, but only when we really want to.

You have a voice. You have a choice.

Also, if there’s tension/expectations around gifts or just the festive season - this is an awesome game I love playing with my kids around Birthdays and Christmas:

I’ve got funding for Golden Bay Families for Birth Debriefing!

I recently applied for funding from the Golden Bay Community Trust and yesterday I heard back that I've been granted an Emergency Birth Debriefing Fund to provide immediate access to specialised trauma support (2 sessions each) for three Golden Bay families unable to afford private services. I am so very grateful and excited to receive this funding to be able to support whanau here in the Bay. If you’ve been wanting to access this kind of support but it has felt out of reach, please reach out to me to learn more. You can read more about Birth Debriefing here: https://www.honouringmama.com/birth-debriefing

My early bird special is still open for my Aware Parenting Support Circle!

“It was incredible Kirsty. So supportive. I felt held the entire time, as I could tend to that space and then felt heard, witnessed and seen.” - Dani, a Mama who attended the circle this year, commenting on the support provided between live sessions.

Would you like ongoing support throughout 2026 for your parenting journey? Registrations for my Aware Parenting Support Circle are open for 2026. Register before 1 February and you’ll receive a free 30 minute listening session with me, to redeem at any time. You can read more about the circle here: https://www.honouringmama.com/aware-parenting-support-circle