Māmā melodies: Do you schedule in time for pleasure? And to cry?

Recently I travelled up north by myself. It was a hectic trip, and I was away for 4 days. I came straight back into delivering a postpartum workshop and then home to reunite my family. I was suddenly overwhelmed by the mental load and the weight of responsibility that we carry as parents, homeowners, and as adults. I could see that my family also felt stretched. I was not able to show up for them in the ways that they needed. In the ways that I had hoped.

A week later, I felt the tears come to the surface, but I couldn’t express them. Once was during my listening partnership call, but I didn’t feel ready to let them fall. Then it was during a conversation with my husband, but we were on a beach with some other people we knew nearby, so I let them reabsorb in my eyes and resisted their tracks down my cheeks. I thought I would be able to let them fall on my walk back down the beach to the car, but I could see two more groups of people that I knew and I had to get back home to run a community meeting. It wasn’t time. It wasn’t time but I really felt all the feelings sitting right there. So I stuffed them down. “Later,” I said to myself - “I’ll listen and let flow later.” I ran the meeting and others told me it went well and yet, I knew I was not fully there. My presence and authenticity was being compromised by these feelings I was keeping inside. By bedtime, I couldn’t connect with the feelings at all.

So the next day, I scheduled it in. Time for pleasure and time to release pain. I spent the morning of my work day ignoring my to-do list and walking around Te Waikoropupu Springs, reconnecting with nature and then I sat in my car and wrote. Then I went into my office. I did a few tasks, had a client call and then I found sad videos so that I could connect with my sadness again and I let the tears flow. I watched video after video connecting with the stories and letting my tears fall. I am not sure where my tears came from or what they were tied to - a past hurt, overwhelm, sadness, grief, loss or something else. And it doesn’t matter. We don’t need to analyse and dissect all feelings, tie meaning to them or come to some inner realisation. We can just let them flow. In the days following I have felt a return to balance - I feel more connected to myself, more joy, more flow, more connected to my kids and partner. 

This is the same for our kiddos. We don’t always need to know why they’re angry, sad, happy or otherwise. We don’t need to rationalise every feeling they have. We can just fall into trust - whatever is there, needs to be expressed and they feel safe in being witnessed and held by us. That in itself is profoundly powerful and an absolute gift.

Bonus offer!

I am feeling called to offer a 15% discount on all of my services until the end of July. You can book here: https://www.honouringmama.com/book-online

and enter this code at checkout to receive the discount:  JULYSALE.

(One use per customer. The booking needs to be created in July, but the appointment doesn’t need to fall in July to be eligible. Not to be used in conjunction with any other offer).

And here’s your Māmā Melody!

I’ve loved this song for a while, and it always gets me singing at the top of the lungs in the car which is SO good for nervous system regulation! Stick Season by Noah Kahan. 

Thank you so much for being part of this community. I appreciate you!

Sending you so much love and compassion and honouring all that you’re doing,

Arohanui,

Kirsty