Māmā melodies: I'm talking about it again because it's THAT important

Kirsty Fernandes
Sep 3
2 min read

Kia ora lovely humans!

I've shared this before, but I'm going to keep talking about it because it's honestly been the most transformative thing for our whānau's/family’s mental health and wellbeing.

Listening partnerships.

Here's the thing - I used to think I could just keep giving and going…but I wasn’t getting any nourishment myself and I started to feel resentful and burnt out. Aware Parenting taught me something revolutionary: if we want to listen empathetically to our children, we need to be getting that same quality of listening ourselves.

What exactly is a listening partnership?

It's beautifully simple: two parents (usually strangers who share similar parenting values and might have kids around the same age, although that part is less important) taking turns to truly listen to each other. No advice. No fixing. No inserting your own story. Just pure, uninterrupted listening.

My current partnership is a weekly phone call with another parent I'd never met before. We each get our time to laugh, vent, rage, cry - whatever needs to come out. The other person simply listens, reflects, and validates. We talk for around 15 minutes each and the whole call takes around an hour and adds SO much value to my whole week. Doesn’t that seem worth the investment?

Why this works so powerfully:

It's outside your inner circle - This person isn't your partner, friend, or family member. There's incredible liberation in this boundary and the fact they don’t know your history (or anything about you really unless you have told them).
Emotions get processed, not stored - Often after releasing what feels tricky or stuck, the way forward becomes clear.
You don't carry each other's stories - You listen, validate, and let it go. No burden, no fixing required. You hang up the phone and it’s over. There’s no mulling or problem solving to do.

I was initially worried about taking on someone else's heavy emotions, but this type of listening is completely different. You're witnessing their experience, not absorbing it.

The impact on our family has been profound. My husband and I both have listening partnerships, and when we skip them, we immediately notice the difference in our capacity to show up - for our children, each other, and ourselves.

Your feelings are valid. Your needs matter. You are worthy of this support.

If you're curious about starting your own listening partnership, email me and I'll send you a guide plus connect you with resources to find your perfect listening partner.

Trust me on this one - it's a complete game changer for parental mental health.