Māmā melodies: How does it feel to sit in the learning space with your child?

My daughter has just turned 8. She got a 'make your own musical merry-go-round' for her birthday. It came in pieces that she had to glue and sew together. She hadn't done a lot of sewing before. 

I watched her plunge into the learning space. The learning space is the gap between what we know or can do and what we want to know or be able to do. So when we look to acquire new skills, in we go - into the learning space. It's uncomfortable, it's frustrating, it's... necessary to learn something, to get good at something, or master it. 

So she went deep into this craft project - it took her hours of dedicated attention at a time, over several days. I think maybe over a week. 

There were tears, rage, frustration and many "I can't do this! It's too hard!" moments. Her Dad and I were there through it all. 

"It's so hard honey, and you're doing it!" 

"Wow, I really saw how you persisted in that super tricky bit," 

"I noticed after you had a cry and came back to the project you could see a new way to do the next part,"  

"You're feeling really frustrated, I get it. Do you want a hug?” 

"Tell me more," 

"How are you feeling about it?" 

"What's your favourite part?" 

"Wow, this part looks like it would have been tricky to sew," 

"Can you tell me how you did this part?" 

"Ah, I see how you've thought creatively about how to do this bit,"

"You did it!! You look so proud of yourself!" 

I cannot tell you how proud of herself she was when she finally finished it. She was beaming! And she’d done it all herself. 

Being in the learning space is hard - for all of us. 

Think about the last time your child was in the depths of the learning space. How did you find it? Did you want to fix? Help ease their pain? Rescue them? Distract? Tell them it'll be fine? Or were you able to sit and support them in the uncomfortable, tricky bits? To listen, empathise and encourage? 

I'm learning ukulele at the moment and it's very humbling!! I notice a lot of stories coming up for me that I am needing to process and actively counter in my own mind to be able to progress - things like, "I'm not musical," "I can't do this," "This is too hard," "I don't have natural talent/rhythm so this isn't possible,". I hear these thoughts in my mind and ask myself if they're true, where they have come from/whose voice they are, and what I actually believe/how I'd like to frame it instead. Then the new thoughts come in 

“Everyone is musical, music is part of who I am”

"I'm learning," 

"I can practise,"

"I'm getting it!"

“It was hard, and I did it!”

Which learning space are you sitting in at the moment? 

And here’s your Māmā Melody!

This month the kids and I are 100% addicted to this version of Savage Daughter by Ekaterina Shelehova. 

You can also see the original here which is well worth it - https://www.womenofthewater.org/wow-blog/savage-daughter 

Thank you so much for being part of this community. I appreciate you!

Sending you so much love and compassion and honouring all that you’re doing,

Arohanui,

Kirsty